No Sleeping!

I am currently cramming for all my life's worth. If I have to pull this off, it would mean NOT SLEEPING. Which is, to make it short, utterly impossible for an abnormally sleepy person like yours truly.

But then again, since it's impossible, I might as well believe that I can last through the night without even a wink of sleep. I'd like to make an exception for short naps but based on my past experience, I don't wake up from short naps until the sunlight starts peeking through my windows. So no-no to small naps.

I wonder how I'll do this. Coffee makes me sleepy. It will just have to be the strength of my will, then. Which, really, is not much. Maybe I should post my tuition fee receipt in front of me to remind me how EXPENSIVE medical school is.

*Sigh* I really need a scholarship. Dang!

Okay. So I just couldn't resist dropping a few lines inspite of my incredibly busy cramming schedule.

An update on today's exam. I actually did well. Surprise! Considering the fact that I slept the night away (inspite of my inspirational self-talk), I did amazingly well. It was pure grace through and through. Whether I actually passed with flying colors remains to be seen. (*fingers crossed*).

**Brownout**

Rawr!!!!

**Lights on**

After an hour & a half. Rawr. I guess this means that I absolutely must NOT GO TO SLEEP if I ever hope to get a reasonable score.

Back to cramming. x_x

Flying Colors

I wonder why I always seem to forget how important it is for me to get good grades. Great grades, if possible.

Block 5 has been a disaster. The worst block, so far. I think I failed a couple of exams consecutively. Hmmm.. Definitely not a good sign.

Things are a little shaky in the financial side. I need to get good grades to get a scholarship. I did rather well on the first two blocks. But I've been sliding down since the third block and as I said, this block has been nothing short of a disaster.

How in the world am I going to pull my grades up? Enough to land me a scholarship and make me confident to show my transcript to future employers.

I'd like to just give up.

I know. I know. I suck when it comes to discipline. And I am such a procrastinator that I leave things undone till the very last possible minute. Like, studying. And when there's a major exam looming, I feel a compulsion to "not study". And I get so easily distracted, too.

I have a Module Quiz tomorrow. And I'm not even halfway done with my first reading. Not that I do a second reading. I never really get to that part.

Oh. And I have my Block Finals the day after tomorrow. And I'm not even done studying for tomorrow's little quiz. Hmmm. Not good. I see disaster in the making. My future shines a little less brightly.

But since I'm in the process of practicing how to believe in six impossible things before breakfast, I might as well believe in three things:

1. I will pass tomorrow's Module quiz. (with flying colors!)
2. I will pass the Block Finals. (still with flying colors)
3. I will not block out on the Block Laboratory Practicals. (and pass with flying colors)

I'll think up three more impossibles before I eat breakfast tomorrow.

By the way, what colors make up the "flying colors"?

I'm wandering.

Okay. Back to the books!

***

Third year: 12 weeks left.

Ummm... I should be worried. Seriously, seriously worried.

Frying Pan

Yesterday, I sat back and watched as six of my classmates got boiled and fried and grilled during their CPC (Clinicopathologic Case) presentation.

To be fair, they had a very complicated cardiology case which involved a hypertensive, diabetic, dyslipidemic man with an acute chest pain. They diagnosed him as an NSTE Myocardial Infarction.

To diagnose an MI, you need two out three. That was what the consultant (who had given our cardiology module lectures) had drilled inside our heads. Acute chest pain. ECG. Cardiac enzymes. So the patient had acute chest pain but the ECG result was pretty ambiguous. Their mistake was in considering the CKMB elevated when in fact, it did not meet the criteria.

I squirmed in my seat as they tried to defend their diagnosis, and failed to answer most of the questions, knowing full well that in all probability, I could very easily have made the same mistakes.

What the group missed out was that one tiny detail in the echocardiography result and chest CT which would have explained all of the patient's symptoms. They missed the findings of an intimal flap which could have clinched their diagnosis. It was an aortic dissection.

*

It will be my group's turn in the frying pan soon enough.

The consultant in charge of our case was out of the country so our case presentation was postponed. I still have no idea when it is going to be. I have a feeling we will be dealing with a *insert drumrolls* neurology case. [

We. Are. So. Doomed.

*

These case presentations give us a chance to apply what we've learned in medical school these past three years. We are given real cases and are thoroughly evaluated on how we come up with our diagnosis.

If we get the diagnosis wrong, it will be a couple of minus points for us. But the thing is, pretty soon, we'll be out in the real world, where clinching the diagnosis is a matter of life or death. Treating an aortic dissection patient with an MI regimen is simply catastrophic.

This is such a heavy burden to bear. But that's what we're training for. Because that's what we were born to do.

And now, enough procrastinating.

=)

Quarter-hour Nap

I'm feeling overwhelmed again.

Too many things to read and understand. Too little time.

So. My solution? Take a nap.

A Medstudent

You're a medical student if you think 8 hours of sleep is EXCESSIVE and doing anything remotely fun (e.g. watching a movie, shopping, hanging out with friends, reading novels) makes you feel guilty.

x_x

My Promise

I have finished uploading some of the pictures I took & edited from my Undas Escapade with my family. I have also finished Episode 5 of Code Blue. What I haven't finished... or started, for that matter... is studying for my Module Quiz tomorrow.

I have approximately 18 hours left. Tick. Tock.

My scores from the last exams were... dismal. I haven't exactly failed. It's just that I set a higher standard for myself.

Having watched those five episodes of Code Blue (a Japanese Medical Series revolving around 4 ER Flight Doctors), I have come to the conclusion that if I ever become half as good as Aizawa, I'd die happy.

But the point is not to be half as good as Aizawa but to be just as good. Even better.

The thing is, nobody really wants to be second best. Or third best, for that matter. And with the rate I'm going on with my studies, I'll end up as my worst nightmare: mediocre & incompetent.

Nobody wants to be in the hands of a mediocre & incompetent doctor. I don't want to be that doctor. I especially don't want to be like him, the man who didn't do anything... the doctor who let my friend die.

Until now, his face is fresh on my mind. Imprinted, so it seems. With red flags of warning. He's the doctor I don't want to be.

So. I'm putting this for the record.

I'm going to do my best. No. I'm going to go beyond my limit.

I'll be the best. Just so I won't stand by helpless and let others lose the people they love.

And besides, I promised him. My friend.

shocked

I could hear the collective inner groan as we saw the special lecture topic was about *insert drum rolls here* Shock.

There's nothing wrong about the lecture topic itself. Shock was something we all needed to learn by heart. Hypovolemic shock. Traumatic shock. Distributive shock. Cardiogenic shock. Signs & symptoms. Management. Prognosis. Blah blah blah.

But the thing was, we probably had the same lecture over and over and over again by different lecturers. I don't know if it was a mistake or if they really meant to drill every single thing about shock into our thick skulls. Or maybe they just wanted to torture us.

But when she started talking about Shock, well, we were shocked.

She talked at lightning speed (she reminded me of the teaching videos), had a wry sense of humor, delivered punchlines with a straight face, and said "ummm" only twice. (I counted.)To sum it all up, she was brilliant. I was starry-eyed with admiration.

And I think at least 70% of the material actually penetrated my thick skull.

She was a huge contrast to another lecture we had that morning. I won't say anything more except that I know he knows his material (or he wouldn't be standing in front of us) but that he wasn't an effective lecturer. I spent the whole time daydreaming. (Which makes me guilty, now that I have confessed about it.)

Another lecturer we had recently must have been really good with her field and understood what she was talking about. We just wished she'd look at us while she talked instead of staring at the LCD screen the whole time. Anyway, everybody felt it was a waste of time and nobody listened.

My point: Most of the time, I blame the lecturer. If I didn't listen, it's because the lecturer was boring. But then again, it all boils down to me in the end. They've been through all that already. I haven't. And if I don't listen, it's not their loss. It's mine.

x_x

Reminder to self: Listen to lectures. Even if you're bored to death. Even if you're falling asleep on your chair.