First Time

There's always a first time. Performing on dummies don't count. Besides, that was last year. And watching videos or memorizing the steps help... but not much.

I've been dreading it for a while now. Bimanual pelvic exam. Scalpels can cut through skin and muscles and organs. But pelvic exams are just as invasive, cutting through a woman's inner walls. But it couldn't be help. I need to perform two such procedures to pass my OB-Gyne rotation.

She was just a year younger than me. She shouldn't have been in that hospital bed and I shouldn't have been poking my fingers in places where my fingers should have had no business with.

She had vaginal bleeding, three weeks after finding out she was having a baby. She lost her child. And the foremost thought in my head was how to do my first bimanual pelvic exam right.

So I performed the procedure. I wasn't ready for it. I hope I didn't do too much of a bad job. She was dealing with too much as it is. She didn't need me to add to her growing list of awful things happening.

I hope she's okay now. I am more than grateful for the experience and I hope I do better next time. I am never going to be an obstetrician... or a gynecologist... but that doesn't mean I won't be meeting girls like her one day, needing help, needing an experienced, caring person. I hope to be one someday.

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